Help
by kendallhenderson
Summary: I want a way out always have and I think I've found. dark very dark I warn you some based on true things but nothing cruel or anything all but feeling


**I don't care you don't like it I did it to vent if you want more ask away some things are true but some are not and I couldn't care less if you hate sorry if I'm being harsh but it's been rough and this was never meant to be posted mistakes in all this was written in an hour I don't care about punctuation so don't bother to rant on about it **

I have had enough this is too much they have gone over what have I done nothing to deserve this- no maybe it was my fault maybe that's why they don't like me advoid me like I'm diseased. Maybe if I tried harder hey would've loved me or even liked me for a matter. every morning I wake to fake smiles only if that was true every morning I wake up to a empty home parents left for work or coming back sister left for uni what do I matter. What _do_ I matter what do I do nothing that's what they and that's what I believe. I keep my emmotions in tact every day I keep myself from freakin out.

My friends think I'm fine they think I'm the sort of person to crack jokes to be funny to make them laugh when their down and that's what I do any thing for them but they see that but they don't know the half of it when I am burning inside ... I put on a mask a cheerful happy mask and crack jokes to make them laugh and their fine with that they know I don't like to get in touch with emotion or cry or hug but they don't know why. I was deprived of everything that I said as in loved by others actually recognised as a person let alone their own child I don't get constant hugs or check ups to see if I'm okay even when I nearly passed out again I tried so hard to tell but they have something more important than me something comes up all the time I'm always left alone they don't care at all they don't come back until late at night as in 12 or they go straight to bed I see like 2 hours of the max I've learned to be independent not to rely on people on being their or there to look after you and more likely DO NOT TRUST ANYONE or you'll get hurt over and over again I trusted some one once and nothing good happened they left they left me and never came back I was hurt at first every one was crying about them but I was closer to them than all of them and he left me to fend for myself every one was so caught up about him being dead they never realised my pain never understood anything about me only he did and he left me so I left and went up to the roof to say my final good bye I slept on the roof no one cared no one noticed if he was their he would have and every thing would be okay we would have been playing in the fields of the farm he would have still taught me how to make angels out of lolly wrappers and taught me it was okay to care to be there the first time my mother hit me and sent me out of the house for 4 hours were he found me and talked to me about aeroplanes to leafs taught me how to count to 100 and carried me inside and ignored every hurtful comment she made against me as my so called sister stood by and watched just watched. And every time the stars were out I would think that he was up their watching smiling I only live for him to make him proud to show him and every one I made it. I haven't cried since he died and I don't want to ever and I haven't he died when I was 8 or 7 I can't remember It's been a lot of years later I will make it for him.

But not ever thing can be perfect no body knows what will happen their comments hurt so much every day I'm never gonna be good enough for you to quote a simple plan song but it's true I'm never good enough for them I'm frowned upon shunned as I should be I guess that's what they say that's what I should believe right. they worship the other though like she's a good she's every thing they wanted her to be an amazing stuck up piece of shit I'm compared to her every day even if I am 4 years younger than her my ma and pa even get my name wrong and call me her It happens every time I'm not important why would they take the time to remember my name or remember me or take care of me raise me nothing I do it myself

and know I really hate myself I wish every day that I would get hit by a car and die or get an incurable disease and slowly die or immediately I don't' care as long as it happens I want to leave to give in to rid of myself I'm already broken anyways and who would want that maybe if I could find the bright white light that stands before me to approach it I'm fading away I already hit back with a condition anyways so just to make it worse to finally do it go and never come back and so here I go

**Thank you thank you very much it means the world if you looked at this read it please review if you want or whatever you want **


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